Gazpacho Chino

How to prepare gazpacho in more than 3 hours.
Because a regular gazpacho in 20 minutes is just too vulgar.

Serves 4, or one gazpajunkie.

• 2 Kilomatoes.
• 1 Halfepper. Italian. Italian peppers are those green, thin and long ones.
• 1 Halfucumber is optional.
• Halbaguette.
• 1 Garlic tooth. We say tooth, not clove. I guess it is as to fight vampire teeth.
• 6 spoons, not teaspoons, but those big ones you use for the ice-cream, of olive oil (Spanish one, come on).
• Sherry Vinegar.
• Pinch of salt.

My secret formula to spend 4 hours on this:

Chop chop kilomatoes and halfeppers.
And garlic. But don´t use teeth!.
Add halbaguette.
No, you cannot blend everything from the beginning, your food processor is not big enough, so you need to split the first mixture, then add equal amounts of bread in two times. This doubles the time of this step.
Realize you lack the tool pictured in the illustration above.
Google “Chino”, if you don´t know what it is.
Or believe my definition: it is that sort of tool you only use to avoid peeling tomatoes when cooking gazpacho, by squeezing the mixture through the chino.
It is also that sort of tool you left time ago to the guy who rented your house, cause you don´t move to London with a chino. Nor you ask for it when you are back. So it is also also that sort of thing you don´t spend money buying, and that is why you go to El Chino to buy the cheapest chino. Because you already have a very good one somewhere in the Universe.

El Chino, or Los Chinos, are also the slang for those convenience Chinese stores opened 24/7. In Spain there are as many chinos as bars and hairdressers. That is because women spend time faking their blond hairs while men drink at bars, and after that they all need to shop late at night at the Chino. At least this is is what the book of clichés would say about Spaniards.
When everybody knows we spend our time cooking gazpacho.
So go spend 15 more minutes shopping a chino in the chino.
That considering you are cooking all dressed up to go to the street, not like me, that cooked this Gazpacho on my nightdress. Yet, I put my boots on and my coat, and went to the Chinos. That´s the lovely thing of living where I live. Women go to the street on slippers, so I don´t give a shit.

Back to Gazpacho.
Start squeezing the mixture on a bowl, and discover you just got a useless chino.
Anyway, take another hour trying to get the finest soup with no peels with that shitty chino.
Get the soup and, this is most important for Gazpacho Chino, do spill the soup in a bad move.
Take another 30 minutes cleaning up the mess.
Go back to el chino to get more supplies. Same ingredients list applies.
This time chop-chop and blend-blend everything on a big jar with an electric whisk. Don’t´bother about peels, they will get fine. *
Season to taste and refrigerate.

You made Gazpacho Chino cause you used the Chino and shopped at el Chino. But mainly because you worked as a chinese/chino (Spanish for “to work as a slave”).

* Variation: Start at this point and take just 20 minutes in the whole thing.

Topping: chop bread, cucumber, onion & pepper.

Posttopping: Gazpacho is not Mexican. Not even Chino. It´s Andalusian.

Postposttopping: The “z” here sounds more like a “d” than like an “s”.